Self-love is the answer to every break-up.

I feel like I’m always jumping ship from one relationship to the other, without much time in between to be on my own. I think the downfall of this type of dating is that it’s hard to see myself as someone out of a relationship, as my own personal entity. I don’t mean to say that I don’t want to date the person I’m dating, but I usually get very swept up in the love and affection that a new relationship brings.

Every relationship is a lesson. That’s what everyone tells us when we go through a break up – what have you learned? As long as you’ve changed as a person, then the relationship mattered, and was worth all the time and the effort and the money and the dreams and the hope and the love –

But sometimes I feel like a relationship just ends. No reason. No change. There’s no grand scheme – you didn’t break up just so you could have an epiphany. Sometimes the end of the relationship is just the end. Sometimes you’ve done everything you could, and everything right, and the person that you had imagined in your life is suddenly gone.

Sometimes a break-up just fucking sucks. The best thing to do is to enter into a relationship with yourself. ESPECIALLY when you’re still in a relationship.

Take yourself on a date. Buy yourself flowers. Take yourself to a movie and splurge on the large size popcorn. Text your best friend and remind her you love her, or bomb her phone with emojis. Go to an animal shelter and cuddle the puppies or kittens. Volunteer somewhere and help someone feel better. Watch that rom-com you’ve seen twenty times before and bawl your eyes out.

Give yourself the love you’ve always reserved for someone else – your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your lover, your friends, your family. If you’re in a relationship, give yourself an equal amount of self-love.

You owe yourself that.

 

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a response: ten things you should never give up on (to stay happy)

I suggest you read this beautiful and inspiring post at the blog Purpose Fairy, entitled 15 Things You Should Give Up to be Happy. I decided to make my own list, but with a twist – ten things you should NEVER give up to stay happy :) We’re all looking for a get-happy quick approach to life, but we forget to accept that life is truly a rollercoaster (pardon my cliche), full of shitstorms and beautiful days and tearjerkers, and there’s no right or wrong way to deal with the things in your life. Every person comes from a different, unique background with varied experiences – who says that giving up one thing will instantly make you happy? I say live with no regrets and no looking back. If you’re looking for the easiest way to approach life, I’ve boiled it down for you into just ten things to never, ever give up on, no matter what. These may be obvious to you, but remember they’re just reminders for staying happy.

#1

Pardon my cheese, if you will, but you should really never lose your sense of adventure! Never give up on that nagging pull of your heart telling you to travel, to risk, to try, to explore – that is the essence of life itself, and if you just surrender to it JUST ONCE, I guarantee you won’t hold any regrets. Your heart and soul will thank you.

BIG TIP: Got a free weekend? Go to the airport and buy the next flight out of there. Enjoy where you go, no matter where it is.

#2

Go out and play! Playing isn’t just for kids – grown-ups should retain that imagination, too. Never, ever lose that, or you’ve lost something very vital to happiness. Look up some adult coloring pages or color-you-own mandalas and color outside the lines (or inside, if you’re anal like that).  Play with your children, build a fort out of blankets, write a story, act out a play – do anything to keep your mind whirring!

BIG TIP: Play dress up, and give yourself a different identity just for one night. Go out on your own. Be mysterious.

#3

NEVER FORGET TO SMILE. Smile when you’re sad and I guarantee you’ll feel just a little happier. Smile at strangers, at your family, your friends, your loved ones, and you’ll not only brighten your own day, but theirs too!

BIG TIP:  Make a vow that one day a week, you’ll try to make someone smile through just your own smile.

#4

There is no excuse to stop your education – and I don’t mean college or university or high school, I mean in general – you should ALWAYS strive to learn more. There is so much that you DON’T know – so go out there and discover something. Learn how to do something new. Watch a documentary. Take a class on something you know absolutely nothing about. Whatever you do, never give up on learning, and your brain will thank you!

BIG TIP: Embrace the inner nerd – go to the library, open up an encyclopedia to a random page, and research something from that page until you’re an expert. Brag about your new-found knowledge, or teach someone what you know!

#5

No matter what, you were born into that beautiful brood, and their your blood and bones forever. Try your best to love unconditionally, no matter what may happen. Fights happen, and so do splits and divorces and marriages and resentments – but try to steer clear of all of that, and be the one that brings your family together. Be the one that keeps your family standing strong, even through the worst of times. Love them for who they are, instead of resent them for what they might have done.

BIG TIP: Start a family tradition or annual reunion and keep it going. Remind everyone at these family occasions of your love for each other and continue to build mutual respect and friendship between everyone you’re related too.

#6

They accept you, completely and plainly, for the weirdo that you truly are, inside and out. They’ve been with you through the bad and the REALLY bad, and still stuck with you to the end. So never, ever give up on those friendships. I know how hard it is to keep up long distance friendships, but if you really care about them and want them in your life, don’t give up. Promise to email every week, or send snail mail. Stay connected. Don’t give up on those friendships!

BIG TIP: Come up with a silly holiday for just you and your friends to celebrate – a weird national holiday, an annual sports event, etc – and make it an entire weekend of festivities. Keep those friendships strong!

#7

Remember that childhood dream of yours? You wanted to be a singer; a fireman; a ballerina? Don’t vicariously live through anyone else – live your own dream! No matter what age you are, your inner child will celebrate you following your dream, even in the smallest of ways. Try out for American Idol, just to say that you did, or put a video of you singing on YouTube. Volunteer as a fireman. Take a ballet or dance class and OWN your recitals. Don’t give up on them, or dismiss them as too “childish”!

BIG TIP: Chase your dream and document it through pictures – take a community college class that has to do with your dream and celebrate your inner child’s dream coming true!

#8

You’ve got a hobby, I know you do – you might not think it’s a “real” hobby, but whatever it might be, it is so instrumental in your continuing happiness. Your hobbies offer you an escape – a way to release the stress from your everyday life and switch up your everyday routine. Whether it’s painting, or writing, or collecting, or exercising – make time everyday to enjoy your hobbies.

BIG TIP:  Schedule your hobby into your week – give it a special time of the day and ask your family to please give you space to enjoy your hobby. Sometimes you need something of your very own to stay sane!

#9

Your health and well-being is sort of a no-brainer, but sometimes in our busy lives we forget that we need to take care of our bodies. Exercise regularly, drink enough water, “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” – whatever you need to do to keep yourself feeling well, confident, and awesome, do it – NO excuses! If you need help, go seek it. There are so many options out there to keep you on track, whether it be a personal trainer, a nutritionist, or a therapist to help you mentally, get over your fears and do what’s best for you. If you take care of your body, it’ll take care of you – and your mood will lift instantly!

BIG TIP: Break one of your unhealthy habits, and replace it with another one. For example, for one year, you could vow to not drink any soda and drink more water- you’ll be amazed how great you’ll feel :)

and lastly –

#10

Don’t ever give up on yourself. (Here comes the cheese again…) But in all seriousness, believing in and having confidence in yourself is so key to your happiness. You truly are the only you out there. You are unique and beautiful and wonderful in every single way, and never, ever forget that.

Dreams

I want to close my eyes and sleep

And let my dreams ease me to bed

To a place where darkness shines

Upon the homes of the undead

And ghosts meander like the lost,

The unborn shriek their tiny wails-

The keeper beckons me across,

while he flies his ships’ dark sails

To bring me to the other side.

Strangely I am welcome there.

The silence doesn’t try to hide,

I hear moaning everywhere.

A voice, cold, dark, and old

Whispers right behind my ear

“Follow me, do as you’re told

you have nothing now to fear.”

I stumble over molten rock

And search across the distant fog

To try to follow the trailing talk, a

voice that willingly summons me on.

Figures pass me, cold as the wind

Speaking softly with eyes downcast

They are the walking souls of all

Who perished in the distant past.

I ask them where I must go

But they have no words for me

Their whispers are to themselves alone

And I could never set them free.

I feel a presence take my hand

And lead me forward with such strength

I’ve never known in mortal life,

And I think it must be an angel.

By my side, the soul brings me

To a towering mountain, coal black

My heart surges with fear, and

I wish I could go back.

“You must climb,” the voice says

And it is so, and so I climb,

Worried about what awaits me

At the end of this perilous path.

I see a light, it’s gleaming gold

As if the sun is melting ore

Into the sky of this dark world,

So I climb faster than before.

I see it now! An opening

I’m reaching for it with my life

But my feet are losing their grip

and I’m falling, falling—

I jolt awake. I’m still alive,

I check my pulse just to make sure,

I lay back down to rest my bones –

I’ve made it through the underworld.